Okay, so my longest ever triathlon is done after competing in the Port Macquarie Half Ironman on Sunday 31st October 2010.
Going into this event was interesting as I knew I could swim 2km, I knew I could ride 90km, and I knew I could run 21km, but had never tried anything remotely like it. I also hadn’t done much of what I consider ‘training’ – just mainly 1 – 1.5km swims pretty regularly, a couple of 1 – 2 hour rides here and there, and a couple of 1 – 1.5 hour runs. No 15km runs off a 70km bike ride or anything.
Nevertheless, I wasn’t too concerned as I had done the 1.5/55/12 Maitland Triathlon a few weeks prior, and from that experience worked out a game plan for the Port Half – and that was to TAKE IT BLOODY EASY! The goal here was to finish, not finish in a particular time – although my guestimate for finishing was 6:30 – 7:00 hours.
On the morning of the race I woke at 5:00 and had my usual milkshake brekkie before heading down to check in and get my gear ready. Bikes are checked in the day before, so it was just a case of laying out running gear on my Ironman towel. (That’s the Marvel superhero Ironman that I bought, not the towel you earn for finishing a full Ironman. I thought that was a cute way of being able to say I have an Ironman towel!)
Heading down to the water I found myself alongside Mr Tony Abbott, leader of the Federal opposition. Now, all politics and religion aside, this man has probably done more to raise awareness of the sport of triathlon than anyone else in the last 20 years, so I shook his hand and wished him luck and said that I looked forward to being beaten by him. He said not to be so sure, but more on that later.
The deepwater start wasn’t really deep due to the tide I’m assuming, and we were all colour coded starts with the pros up front in their pink swimcaps, then blues and whites behind them for ‘faster’ age groups, and then us yellow older guys up the back. A couple of us were commenting that it was a bit rich that we had to swim 150 – 200m further than the guns, and were saying that we should get a bit of a time bonus for that!
We took off at 6:30, and I immediately got into a rhythm of slow, deliberate strokes. I was passing oodles of yellow caps in my group and started catching the slower orange heads, but didn’t feel like I was pushing too hard. About 500m along, the river got all shallow to the point where it was possible to stand up in thigh-deep water, and many people were doing that and wading along. As I approached I noticed that these waders were only going my swim speed, and I also knew that this would put premature strain on my legs so I kept my face down in the water and swam across the bar before we hit the deep water again.
Out of the swim and into transition, and I took my time here, drying my feet and putting socks on before strapping on my shoes there rather than starting to ride with my feet in the pedals. I really didn’t think that the excess 20 seconds would have an impact on my overall time, so I tried to relax and make sure I had everything for the long ride. I did not.
As we turned the first few corners I realised I had not put any lubrication on my nether regions and that sitting in the saddle for over 3 hours was going to cause some pretty nasty chafing down there just between the legs and the nut sack. I normally use Aussie Butt Cream but I had not only forgotten to smear some on but had also forgotten to bring it with me. I thought I’d just see how I’d go and whether anything eventuated.
Up over the nasty hills of Port Macquarie we went, small chain ring on the front and almost in my largest cog on the back for some of them (I always try and keep the easiest gear for emergencies, so I always know I have it there!), then down the infamous Matthew Flinders drive at 50km/h+ and on to the long, flat sections of the road to Lake Cathie. I stuck to my game plan and didn’t open up at all and try to make up some average speed after the hills, but nevertheless with the nice tailwind I was able to hook along at a nice speed of around 34km/h. This was not much comfort as I knew the return journey would not be as much fun.
It was here that I thought some Butt Cream would have been valuable as I started feeling the chafing that I often get. I kept my eyes out for a first aid bike that might have something, before looking down and realising that my chain was simply covered in lube. Nice, greasy, grotty, dirty lube. I reached down and smeared my finger over the chain and gathered up some grease, then reached down into my pants and smeared the affected areas. Problem solved, and I think I should have earned points for ingenuity and adaptability!
Back into town and out again on the ride – knowing exactly what I was up for the second time. Or so I thought! By this time the wind had picked up rather dramatically, and whilst the ride south was oodles of fun the return trip was simply scorching along at around 22km/h in some spots. Party due to the fact that I had been riding for nearly around three hours, but mainly because of the headwind.
Off the bike and into transition made me realise how freakishly good some triathletes are due to their training and a good solid helping of genetics. As I was wheeling my bike into transition, I heard the race announcer Mike Rabbitt from NBN TV calling out Tim Berkel as one of the top finishers of the Port Macquarie Half Ironman. This guy had finished the run before I had even started!
After another slow, easy transition where I took the time to get sunscreened up by a rather nice volunteer lady, I started my planned plod. The goal here on the run was to put one foot in front of the other, and to keep breathing. That’s always the key. As I approached each aid station in both directions I slowed to a walk for about 200m, then picked up the plod again after I had taken in some water and orange and sometimes an SIS energy drink.
Back and forth across the three laps I went, the mother of all blisters growing on my left little toe (the one that goes wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee all the way home). Other than that and the general sore feet I didn’t have any probs until about 250m from the finish line. Here,we run along the road whilst the footpath is for the other direction, but the lass in front of me swerved and blocked me a touch so I had to jump up the 20cm onto the footpath. My right hamstring protested, so I stopped and put my leg up on a barrier to stretch it out, causing both of my quads to complain a bit too.
I covered the last 250m, and crossed the line with Mike Rabbitt welcoming me by my nickname Big Dog home on the loudspeakers. I thought that was nice and it gave me a bit of a grin.
I didn’t hang around for a massage or race recovery as Joanne was waiting and it looked like it was going to take half an hour to get the rubdown, so we headed back to our hotel room and asked room service to send up some ice. I sat in a rather chilly bathtub of cold water for 5 – 10 minutes until my ankles were screaming at me with the cold, then got out and hobbled down the road to the pub for a celebratory drink.
Amusingly, here in Port Macquarie the pubs are not allowed to serve a double of spirits, so I asked for a single of Scotch neat. Believe it or not, they are also not allowed to hand out a shot of spirits without ice or some sort of additive as it is classed as a shooter! So I settled for a single of Famous Grouse on ice and a Corona chaser, and after 12,000kj burnt off during the course of the race I felt rather fine rather goshdarn quickly.
Now for the boring stuff for the one or two of my friends and acquaintances that will actually care:
1.8km Swim – 35:00
T1- 5:00
90km cycle - 3:25
T2 – 5:00
21km run – 2:20
TOTAL TIME - 6:29:25
Oh, and I was wrong about Mr Abbott beating me as I actually managed to cross the line about 10 minutes ahead of him. Credit where credit is due, I cannot imagine he has had a lot of time for trianing since the full Ironman back in March, what with that little election thing and interesting aftermath we had! Still, for him to get out there and have a go and help raise the profile of the sport even more is pretty cool – regardless of what one thinks of his party’s policies or his belief in the Man In The Sky.
Do I have any plans to line up for a full Ironman? Doubtful. I am sure that with the right amount of dedicated training could physically handle the ordeal, but it’s just a question of boredom! I was out there for only 6.5 hours and was saying ho-hum to myself quite a bit. Even singing Bon Jovi and Guns n Roses songs in my head and visualising some of my fave scenes from Star Wars and Lord of the Rings gets a tad old after a while! Maybe when the governing bodies allow us to attach portable DVD players to our bikes I’ll rethink this.
Honestly, the only thing I can think of wanting to do for over six hours is have my scalp massaged by a blonde hairdresser, whilst my back is massaged by a Swedish gal called Inga, whilst other more sensitive areas are catered to by two Filipino airline stewardesses, my feet are rubbed by a big black guy called Leroy whilst I sip on the occasional Scotch and watch chick flicks like Love Actually.
I have a few triathlete friends who are going to say that I simply HAVE to try a full Ironman one day – and that it is the pinnacle of human existance to complete a 3.8km swim, 180km cycle and 42km run. But then again, I know these friends have never enjoyed two chicks at once so I will have to beg to differ there.
All-in-all, a nice challenge and I am sore but glad I achieved it.
Big thanks go to all the peoples that were racing or spectating who offered support and encouragement along the way. And lastly, the volunteers! Without the people doing the organising, manning the course, handing out water and energy drinks at the aid stations, and actually putting on the race the race would not have been possible. A simply awesome logistical job all round!
